Occupuncture!

From my post on The People's Cube:

Comrades, I am astounded at the progress the new Collective Health Care Plan has made. As to be expected, it manifested itself first in the most progressive element of our society...the Re-Occupy Wall Street Putsch!

But first, the "official" account, as rendered in the Bourgeois Media. The actual story, as issued by the State Program for Impeccable News (SPIN) will follow.

Wall Street Occupiers Stab NYPD Officer, Surround Ambulance Trying To Rush Him To The Hospital…

(NY Post) — Some 800 Occupy Wall Street protesters began the new
year by trying to retake Zuccotti Park last night, starting a massive
clash with police in which one officer was stabbed in the hand with a
pair of scissors.

A suspect was arrested in the 11:30 p.m. incident, according to a
law enforcement source.

Hundreds in the crowd of occupiers then surrounded the ambulance
as it tried to leave with the wounded officer, the source said.

The officer, who was not identified, was taken to Bellevue
Hospital in stable condition.

Is there no end to the assaults upon and vilification of this Peaceful People's Movement?

There have been no rapes--it is involuntary redistribution of sexual favors!

There has been no "Child Endangerment"-- it is parental initiative in the education of the next generation of Progressives!

And THERE HAS BEEN NO POOP! Banks and Police Cars have simply had the misfortune of being placed right at a designated site of a People's Recycled Food Reclamation Center!

But the assault on the People by the Bourgeois Fascist Jackboots was very real. Fortunately, the People responded with Compassion.

The officer wasn't stabbed...he was administered a treatment of alternative medicine for a headache he had been complaining about. A quick-thinking Progressive with a degree in Cross Cultural Studies put his $90K education to good use by combining Eastern Medicine (acupuncture) with Ancient Egyptian Surgery (bloodletting), improvising with Western tools (scissors).

Surely this selfless act of compassion and multiculturalism is worthy of complete forgiveness of his student debt!

The crowd around the ambulance was also serving several functions at once. They were chanting for the officer's continued well-being, and delaying his arrival into the emergency room in case a more needy case arrived first.

Yes, the best and brightest were on the scene! But what else do you expect from a Progressive Education?