30 March 2006

Sniper Deagle!

OK, the spree is at its end. I have spent way more money than I have in any other week without having a girlfriend, but hopefully, it has all been worth it.

Bought a case of UMC .45 ammo. 250 rounds at $60, I had to snatch it up. Range report to come.

I also had some trouble finding a scope in town that would fit the Deagle. Seems like all the good hunting scopes are way too long for the 6" barrel. I was concerned about two things: one, having it hang over the muzzle (bad idea) and two, having it hang over the ejector port. The latter isn't a problem with wheelguns. I guess we have a little bias in the handgun scope industry, but since most of your magnum handguns are revolvers, from a marketing standpoint it sounds reasonable.

Anyway, I settled for a 2x red dot scope.

Expect another range report in the near future, evaluating its effectiveness as an accuracy enhancer.

That along with an account of my first attempts at handloading. I'm really looking forward to that.

Oh, and I got to see how allergic a liberal Californian can be to handguns. A friend who used to live in Delta came back for a surprise visit. I was on my way out to exchange the Bushnell trophy scope I found was too long for the Deagle, and a couple of guys in the house were commenting to our returning friend about the "weapon of mass destruction" I owned.

Knowing Nancy is a flaming liberal (so she should feel right at home in the People's Republik), I pulled it out of the case and showed it to her. She gasped, and asked, "Is it legal?"

I nodded, but said it wasn't legal in CA without a few modifications (you know, reduce the magazine capacity to one, have a permanent child safety lock installed on it, and have the bluing changed to something more pastel, etc.), and offered it to her to hold.

She recoiled as if she were a vampire being offered a crucifix, which I kind of expected from someone like her (contrast that to the feisty Italian grandmother who also lives on the farm. The day I brought the Deagle home, I showed it to her while examining it in our meat prep room. She couldn't wait to get her hands on it. Hope she isn't giving the stewards on the cruise ship she's on too much grief.).

Heh. Gotta love those leftists.

28 March 2006

Fairbanks Shopping Spree

While I'm out here in one of AK's major population centers (the other two being Anchorage and Juneau), I'm taking advantage of all the gun shops to stock up.

Accomplished so far:

Gawked at a few of Fairbanks' finest citizens.

Man, I haven't seen an afro like that since the 1970s.

I guess you need it in these kinds of temperatures.

I Raided Down Under Guns for some accessories,

Like this chest holster, made by Alaskans (made in Wasilla, to be specific) for Alaskans. This model made specifically for the Desert Eagle.

I also had them switch out my Mepros for the Trijicons I had bought back in December:

Now, my scope mount will fit! I'm shopping around some more for one, but I'll probably wind up ordering one online.

And, finally, some reloading supplies. Sportsman's Warehouse does carry Vihta-Vuori, and about every kind of bullet and primer you're looking for. I need to make sure they have the same grade of powder a friend uses in his .44 magnum loads. And, I need brass. They seem to be out of .44 brass.

And, while driving around town, I managed to do some pimpin' for H&K

A couple of guys over at Arctic Gunworks were talking about getting a USP. I happened to be carrying mine at the time (as I do whenever practical in urban environments), and, with the shop owner's permission (he gave a nod--man, Alaska is great), pulled it out, unloaded it, and let them fondle it a little.

They were looking for something more along the lines of a USP Tactical, with the threaded barrel. I told them Jarvis Barrels does that kind of custom work (Arctic Gunworks probably could, too), if the threaded barrel were all they were really looking for, and pointed them to HKPRO.com, where I got my USP for about $600.

27 March 2006

Fewer FFLs in Alaska nowadays

From the Juneau Empire. Similar articles were featured in the News-Miner and the Anchorage Daily News, but here's the Empire's take on it:

ANCHORAGE - Tougher federal gun regulations and high fees have led to thousands of Alaskans giving up their gun dealer licenses over the past decade, a recently released study said.

The number of Alaskans holding the federal government's most basic gun-seller license has plummeted about 73 percent in the last 10 years from 3,140 in 1994 to 845 in 2005.

By this year, the number had dropped further, to 798, according to the federal Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives.

The license lets the holder buy most firearms in unlimited quantities and without waiting periods.

The decline mirrors a 78 percent reduction across the country, or 190,000 fewer gun dealers nationwide, according to the report released this month from the nonprofit Violence Policy Center, based in Washington, D.C.

"It used to be just about anybody's brother had a (federal firearms license)," said Anchorage resident Will Fowler, owner of Fowler Gun and Machine Shop. "Then they clamped down."

Wayne Anthony Ross says he held his federal gun dealer's license for 25 years so he could buy and sell thousands of firearms while collecting a huge arsenal of weapons.

But in the mid-1990s, Ross, a gun enthusiast and National Rifle Association board member, turned in the license.

"It became not worth it to open your home to federal agents, be fingerprinted and spend (hundreds of dollars)," he said.

Fewer dealers doesn't mean the sale of guns has been reduced. There are just fewer places to buy them, according to the NRA, gun-store owners and federal firearms authorities.

The state still has the highest per capita gun ownership in the country.

The News-Minor (motto: journalism of a lesser league) includes more of the article than the Empire chose to publish (wisely, in my estimation), which had the added tack:
National Gun-control groups applaud the reduced number of gun dealers, saying fewer firearms are making it into the hands of criminals because there are fewer "kitchen table dealers."
I bought my Desert Eagle through one of these "kitchen table dealers" in PA and received through a Mom & Pop sporting goods store in Delta. You had to push through the guys with pantyhose pulled over their heads and the ragheads in the corner waiting to pick up their AK-47s and M82A1s (more commentary on that later on).

And if you believe that, I have an ice bridge to sell you spanning the Delta River. I'll even throw in a nearby pipeline for a small additional fee.

Geez. These guys are clueless. At both ends, background checks have to be performed, including running one on the serial number(s) of the gun(s) involved. And if you fail, guess what, the transaction doesn't go through, and appropriate action will follow up.

Fewer dealers also means the ATF can better police those who have licenses, said Josh Sugarmann, executive director of the Violence Policy Center.

Sugarmann also says that despite the myth [sic] of a gun culture leading to safer gun usage, Alaska ranks No. 2 in the nation in per capita gun-related deaths and injuries. The state also rates at the top of the nation for suicides involving a firearm.

How this relates to FFL restrictions is beyond me, apart from mere posturing for the likes of the Brady Bunch.

However, in all fairness, the AP does conclude with these paragraphs from a more reasonable source that actually deals with the problem instead of wagging their tongues for the Anti-2A propaganda machine:

Federal Agents in Alaska say gun dealers here aren't the main problems when it comes to gun-related crimes. In Alaska, the guns seized in crimes are stolen from people's homes not purchased from dealers, said Brad Earman of the Anchorage office of the ATF.

"In Alaska, we haven't been plagued with problem gun dealers," he said.

The state's problem is legitimate owners not keeping their guns locked up and not recording their serial numbers for police to track when they are stolen, Earman said.

I talked with the guys over at Down Under Guns in Fairbanks this morning about it all. The owner shook his head. His shop started out as a "kitchen table dealer" 30 years ago, and has now turned into a very nice, well-outfitted gun dealer & gunsmithing shop (they're putting in the new Trijicons for my Desert Eagle as I type this, I bought a chest holster and ammo can from them today, and tomorrow, I think I'll buy a pistol scope from them, too).

At any rate, let's look at what the Anchorage Daily News had to say about the matter:

In Alaska, the number of people with the federal government's most basic gun-dealer license -- the type 1 federal firearms license, which allows the holder to buy most firearms in unlimited quantities and without waiting periods, among other benefits -- dropped from 3,140 in 1994 to 845 in 2005. Today, there are 798, according to the federal Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives.

The reductions are largely due to changes made in federal gun regulations in the 1990s during the Clinton administration. The Brady Handgun Violence Protection Act in 1993, among other things, required license holders to notify local police of their intent to apply for a license. Prices for three-year licenses increased from $30 to $200. And the ATF began strictly enforcing the 1968 Gun Control Act, which says license holders must be "engaged in the business." That meant those with the licenses suddenly had to take pictures of their storefronts and prove they had business hours open for customers. Photographs and fingerprints of applicants were collected.

"It just became too onerous," said Ross, who is also president of the Alaska Gun Collectors Association. "Most of the firearms dealers in Alaska didn't make a living off firearms but enhanced their own collections or helped out people in the community. It was too much."

Ahhh, no surprise that we're still suffering from the fallout of the Klinton administration. The storefront tack to qualify for your FFL license spells a further economic hindrance to freely exercising 2A rights. It's a trend I am seeing more and more: Flat out attacking the Bill of Rights is too blatantly gauche (which is a French word for "left," btw), but if you can introduce extra hurdles (economic or logistic), you can essentially produce the same effect while giving the appearance that you are not really abridging the peoples' rights.

This seems to be the modus operandi of the Left. They do it with the courts--if you can't legislate something, reinterpret existing laws to get what you want (which is why Church & State issues really didn't appear until 1947, by way of example). So, it's not surprising that they would attempt to destroy a Constitutional right by taking another flank.

But these leftist morons can't even establish solid evidence that reducing gun dealers will prevent or have prevented gun violence:

They also say that while there is no proof of a direct link, they believe the reduction is one element that added to the dramatic decline in crime during the past decade, said Peter Hamm, spokesman for the Washington, D.C.-based Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence.

While Washington, DC remains on the top ten list for murders, and California, one of the Brady's A-list honeys, is responsible for more gun-related crimes than all of their "F" states combined.

But in Alaska, where anti-gun groups are few and far between and the state has the highest per capita gun ownership in the country, the NRA, gun-store owners and even federal firearms authorities say the shrunken number of dealers hasn't reduced the sale of guns -- other than fewer places to buy them. They say the stricter federal rules are targeted more toward Outside problems.

"Firearms are a huge part of Alaska culture and people are much more comfortable with firearms than elsewhere," said Brad Earman of the Anchorage office of the ATF. "What we are seeing here is not typical of the country."

This is one problem with federal policies...it usually can't be tailored to states' specific situations.

Even with the drastic reduction in the number of gun dealers in Alaska, the state still has three times as many gun dealers as gas stations, said the Violence Policy Center study. Only four other states -- Idaho, Montana, Oregon and Wyoming -- share the distinction of having more gun dealers than gas stations. "Alaska still has a lot of people who should not have federal firearms licenses," Sugarmann said.

By what criteria? An urbanite living in one of the highest crime areas of the country? The situation is quite different here.

And vehicle-related deaths are still higher than those gun-related. Should we reduce the number of gas stations, then? Maybe efforts to do just that explain the higher gas prices we've been suffering.

Alaska is also a state with very lax gun laws, Sugarmann said. "If you look at a state like Alaska, it's held out by the pro-gun people as a Shangri-la."

{Chorus of "Hallelujah"}

Another voice of reason shines through the smoke and mirrors of the anti-2A pundits:

Ross, though, says: "The criminals will get the firearms no matter what we do.

"There is a word, totemism, which is attributing evil spirits to inanimate objects. Too many people opposed to guns don't realize that, in effect, they are practicing totemism. Firearms can be used and misused. When there are problems, it is with the people, not the guns."

Not a bad parallel, since the Bradys take their stats "on belief."

26 March 2006

Personally, I think it's a Great Idea

Listen to this idiot:

"This bill is anti-American," said David Quintan, 57, of Chile, who has lived in the United States for 30 years. "It's discriminatory not only to Latinos but to all immigrants. They're coming to work, not to steal or do terrorism. We are just workers."

As I understand it, this is a nation by the (American) people, of the (American) people, for the (American) people. If someone wants to partake of the benefits (including work opportunities), they need to go through the proper channels, not leech off us. We have enough dependents on the nanny state without having to take on a whole gaggle of freeloaders from the outside, too.

24 March 2006

Artsy-Fartsy Friday!

This post is dedicated to all those idiots who think you can pile up a bunch of trash and call it art.

This one I've entitled "Jaundiced Epinephrine." It represents such intellectual gargantuans like Cindy Sheehan who, in her infinite wisdom, can find intimate connections with Hurricane Katrina and the war in Iraq.

The steel...thingies reaching out to the sky represents all the truths from a heap of...crap crying out to poke you in the eye.

This next one I feel really expresses the Zeitgeist regarding our relations with Hugo Chavez.

I call it "Flaming Monk." I think it ought to be sent to Hugo, with a can of gas and a full book of matches. Directions: dress up to impersonate the Michelin Man, apply gas, strike match.

Now, to celebrate my contribution to the world of art, I'm going to go open up a Michelob Amber Bock.

You call this Spring weather?

Heavy snow all morning, overcast...you'd think it was October.

At least, it's not 40 below.

Check out the next pic. Just given the picture itself, how could you possibly tell it's spring?

Answer: The position of the sun. In winter, it doesn't get that much above the mountains out back (obscured by the heavy cloud cover).

22 March 2006

Not quite a Million Moonbat March

Nope, this has little to do with controlarms.org. Except it shares a common source: the misguided, misinformed alternative to reality known as Moonbat ideology.

This jewel comes courtesy of the Swoose. It's a classic example of the futility and vacuousness of Moonbattery:

  • Cindy Sheehan says "the government is the enemy"
  • She says she's been too busy traveling the world to put a headstone on her son's grave
  • Roughly 100 protesters attended this march, on the 3rd anniversary of the war.
  • Some of them really didn't know what they were protesting about
  • Holding your hands behind your back really gives you the full "Guantanamo experience."

Ah yes, Moonbats--their material gets funnier all the time!

Evan Coyne Maloney of Brain Terminal comments on this very thing: Three Years of Lousy Predictions:

In the three years since the Iraq war started, 2,317 American military personnel have made the ultimate sacrifice for their country. In a war that's constantly compared to Vietnam, it is quite illuminating to note that in a single month of fighting during the Vietnam war--May 1968--2,316 Americans lost their lives.

Chants of "Vietnam" were the mode in Desert Storm. They were the Moonbattle-cry of Afghanistan, and later, Iraq.

In all three, guess what--we stomped 'em. But still, the Moonbats chant "Vietnam! Vietnam!"

I've gotten the idea over the years that it's more of a taunt than a warning. You see, from a standpoint of military operations, we really didn't lose in Vietnam. I've heard several stories from men who were there (e.g. Ralph Zumbro's afterword in his book Tank Aces. He was a tanker in Vietnam) reflecting this notion.

No, our victories were pissed away by left-leaning oversensitive pantywaist politicians who allowed a bunch of lazy spoiled rich kids hold them by the balls.

For the communist-loving Left, it was something of a victory. And they celebrated it by treating our returning troops--those who risked their necks on the frontline instead of living what amounted to a big frat party at home--as if they were the lower-level occupants of a two-story outhouse.

If Casey Sheehan's memorial (WHERE'S THE BLEEDING HEADSTONE, "MOM") is any indication, leftists would want to give our returning troops the same reception. His media-frottaging halfwit of a mother gladly prostitutes herself for any leftist prick (yes, Hugo, that includes you) who will dump her as soon as he's done making her moan for his cause (I predict that she will go the way of former media darling Matthew Shepard once the '08 elections are done, if not sooner). But she's been doing so at the expense of Casey's memory . And her cheapness is starting to show. She used to be an A-list media slut. Now she's being relegated to speaking at C-list "rallies" numbering fewer than 100.

But, getting back to Vietnam, it has been the only victory the Moonbats have really been able to savor. some 15 years later, the Workers' Paradise found itself falling apart by economic and moral decay, East Bloc nation by East Bloc nation. It still seems to have "footholds" in Latin America, but these really amount to little more than Banana Dictatorships thinly disguised as "Peoples'" revolutions.

There is that bouffant-sporting buffoon in Asia, but again, he is a dictator ("Dear" my hiney). China has made itself powerful, but only after borrowing from the wealth-creating principles of capitalism.

Marxism has proven itself a failure in every nation that has tried to implement it. But somehow, liberals worldwide still think they can pull it off, and will grasp at any straws that will support this fantasy.

In our country, they think Vietnam was proof that Marxism can beat Liberty. And so they beat that dead horse still.

Gratuitous BT pimping: Be sure you check out Evan's independent film projects over at Brain Terminal, and On The Fence Films

Wednesday Hatblogging

Now, normally, you'd expect a pimp to be decked out like so:

But, seeing that I prefer to hook up gentlemen to high-quality hardware instead of ho's, these sorts of hats better suit my personality:

A nice desert tan one to match my pair of MARPATs.

And a pretty snazzy Black & red outfit, complete with the "No Compromise" slogan on the back. Got 'em both on eBay, via buyer "vegasextremes." He offers a decent variety of Flexfit caps for the H&K enthusiast (he's also done some custom work for several police departments).

20 March 2006

Gratuitous Product-Pimping

Now, I don't care too much for labels. You wear Abercrombie & Fitch, I'll shrug. You drive a Lexus, I'll barely notice as I drive one of the farm's beat-up vehicles.

You hold up a bottle of Bombay Sapphire...well, I might notice there. But Jack Daniels, eh...so what.

You show off your Glock, I might fondle it a little. But then I'll hand it back without so much as the slightest raise in my blood pressure.

I'm not into product promotion, unless it's something I know is quality. Which is why, for German dictionaries, I recommend Langenscheidt for American students.

And that is why I am adding the following links to the sidebar:

This logo needs no introduction. They are the BMW of firearms. Gotta love that German engineering. I have owned 2 USPs, one in a 9mm, one in a .45, and I personally find them to be the best in their class.

Pimping firearm manufacturer #2:
Makers of the venerable Desert Eagle. I own one of these in a .44 magnum, and it's the most comfortable, and most accurate, .44 magnum I have ever shot.

Naturally, what is a gun without ammo, so, unashamedly, I do pimp:

I fed hundreds of their 9mm loads through my first USP. It's clean, quality, and reasonably priced ammo. And it comes in about every practical rifle and pistol caliber.

My only complaint...they don't ship to Alaska! Not their fault. Their shipping options outside the CONUS are limited.

Extra OOMPH guaranteed. This is my first choice for self-defense ammo.

While I personally endorse all of the above (yes, touch the screen and receive my virtue, ye mere mortals), I am, at the time of this posting, getting absolutely zero kickbacks from these companies. But they're all good folks, and I believe in the products they manufacture.

19 March 2006

Grandma the InstaBaiter!

[A filthy lie flung from the fingers of the Mad Hatter]

So we recently discover that our beloved Rocky-Top singing, puppy-blending, Frank J. punching, hobo-stalking Prince of Legal Murkiness has a softer, more family-oriented side.

He loves spending time with his grandmother. Since apples don't fall far from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good...and Evil...the question naturally arises: Is being an Übelmensch something you inherit?

Read on, true believer, and decide for yourself:
  • She bones up regularly on her hobo-shooting skills:

As seen on Break.com
Aiming for the toodles ensures minimum damage to the hobo pelt. Here's the results from her latest trip to her backyard range:

  • Her wheelchair transforms into a dancing robot
  • Her driveway is lined with the skulls of puppies
  • Her fist clenches at the words "Frank" or "J"
  • She logs onto InstaPundit 10,000 times a day to boost InstaGrandson's online stats
  • Her favorite drink is a Pinscher Colada with a Labrador chaser
  • She lures hobos in with her grandmotherly charm...but the end is gruesome
  • She won recognition by PETA for her volunteer work "sheltering" puppies...if only they knew
  • People Eating Tasty Animals means something different for her
  • ...and it includes hobos
Many shades of darkness run in the Reynolds family...

18 March 2006

Grading the Graders

Knowing the Brady Campaign's penchant for hoplophobia, since they used to be known as Handgun Control, Inc. before adopting a more euphemistic name (a dunghill is still a dunghill regardless of what you call it), I don't give their assessments on matters related to firearms much weight.

Still, I thought I would do a little statistical research myself to see if the Brady Bunch's grading system had any merit other than whining, crying, and pouting.

So, I looked up some research regarding gun crime statistics on a state by state basis. I did find three reports from the FBI listing the number of Murders, Robberies, and Aggravated Assaults, as well as the weapon type used, for each of the 50 states for the year 2004. Sounded like as good a place as any to start.

There are 11 states that got A- to B- ratings: California, Connecticut, DC, Hawaii, Illinois, Maryland, Massachusetts, Nebraska, New Jersey, New York, and Rhode Island.

I thought it interesting that no A's nor A+'s were awarded. I'm not terribly surprised, though, given their criteria, including Ballistic Fingerprinting (easily defeated by switching out barrels on autoloaders), whether more than one gun is allowed to be purchased in a month (would they put the same limits on cars and doctors, which have higher death rates?), holding gun manufacturers accountable (Puh-lease! It's like suing Black & Decker because you did a crappy job on your deck), background checks on private gun sales (there's a direct threat to your right to own property if ever I saw one), and so on.

Basically, the only way to earn an A with the Bradys would be to repeal the 2nd Amendment, or pass legislation that makes it increasingly hard to exercise that right (which, with enough legal savvy, could be construed as a violation of the 14th Amendment. If leftists could do it with their crusades to enforce the notion of "separation of Church and State," then the very same could work against them).

Happily, those of us who love our constitutional rights see these "good grades" as a rating of misery (especially hearing complaints from all the Californian gun owners). Poor grades, like that earned by my current home state and my former home state are seen as badges of honor.

There were 32 states that got D+ to F ratings: Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, Colorado, Florida, Georgia, Idaho, Indiana, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maine, Michigan, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Mexico, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Vermont, Washington, West Virginia, and Wyoming.

But let's look briefly at Brady's Best of the Best and the Worst of the Worst, namely, the A- states vs. the F states in light of the 2004 FBI crime statistics.

The A- list (Comprising* of California, Connecticut, Hawaii, Maryland, Massachusetts, and New Jersey) boasts:
  • a total of 278, 165 counts of Robbery, Murder, and Aggravated Assault.
  • 63,912 of these crimes involved a firearm
  • That means firearms were used in 23% of the crimes committed
The F list (Alabama, Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, Montana, New Mexico, and Wyoming) shows:
  • a total of 60,839 counts of these same crimes
  • 19,005 involving the use of a firearm
  • Which yields a slightly higher proportion of 31% involving guns.
Now, if you just went by the percentage of crimes involving firearms, it would seem that the Bradys' Report Cards are justified. However, the A-list's higher overall crime numbers, despite its lower percentages involving firearms, suggest something students of human nature have known for a long time: if you can't commit a crime one way, another way can be found--if you can't use a gun, a knife might do the job just as well.

Here's a fun fact about California that proves my last statement: over 29,000 of California's robberies were just done by the force of the perp's own strength, without gun, knife, or other instrument. And this state rates high with the Bradys for its attempts to keep guns out of the hands of its peasantry.

But for someone like the Bradys to leverage this stat with any force, they would have to contrast it to the overall gun owning population. Their own numbers state 192 million privately-owned firearms in the U.S. (65 million of which are handguns). Nationwide crimes of robbery, murder, and aggravated assault involving firearms yielded a number of 277,868--which sounds like a high number, but consists of about a tenth of a percent of the guns owned in this country.

Let me divert a second to tell another fun fact about California. The Brady's A- list honey is responsible for 16% of those 277,868 firearm-related crimes alone. Do the math, and you see it exceeds the total of the "F" states by 230%.

Furthermore, they are ignoring John Lott's statistic about firearms being used some 2 million times defensively, and legally, per year. 277,868 out of 2 million=roughly 14 percent.

Furthermore, the perpetrators of these crimes, whether they used a firearm or not, usually amount to less than 1 percent of the entire U.S. population. These low numbers are perhaps the most revealing statistic I found in the course of my research, and show the liberals' penchant for making mountains out of molehills, and desire to penalize the majority for the sake of a scant few.

*Illinois also rated an A-, but enough of their stats were not found to include them in the study with any degree of fairness. Something to hide, perhaps?

Dead Meat!

I am eagerly anticipating Evan Coyne Maloney's upcoming film, Indoctrinate U. Now, they've got most of their footage together, and need to tweak things here and there, so it should be out, hopefully sometime within the next few months.

So, to sort of bide the time, I went over to On The Fence Films to see what other projects were in the works. I had already seen Brainwashing101 (I have a copy of it downloaded to my computer), as well as Evan's other shorts (found over at Brain-Terminal), and knew his business partner, Stuart Browning, had done a documentary on Canadian Health Care.

I just finished watching it. Wow. If people are buying Hillary & Ted's push for socialized health care, they need to watch this film: Dead Meat.

In short, if Canada is having problems managing its own health care system, with a population of around 35 million, imagine the larger problems with ours.

2-3 year waiting lists...leading to drug addiction in some cases as patients wait out the pain with increasing doses of Oxycontin...some even die while waiting.

Caught your interest? Watch the film!

16 March 2006

More on Saddam's "Nonexistent" WMD program

Now critics need to take a tall glass of shut-up juice.

Returning Troops have talked about them.

Saddam's own Generals have talked about them.

Now you have it straight from the horse's...well, you get the picture.

Bush was right, guys. And so was the intel the previous administration had, but for whatever reason, chose not to act on it.

And speaking of the link, don't forget to check out Evan's progress on Indoctrinate U., the film about bias in academia. If his first film on the matter, "Brainwashing 101" is any indication of his work, it will be a good one indeed.

You're welcome for the gratuitous pimping, Ev. I don't do this for work I think is really crappy or amateurish. The guns I choose are quality, the matters I support are quality. It's just how I am.

Friday Blague du chat...

I know, technically, it's still Thursday here, but I thought I'd post this one for the maximum benefit of everyone:

Taken on the premises of the new imaging center over at Fairbanks Memorial Hospital, with many thanks to their courteous staff!

And for those of you preferring something fuzzy and fourfooted, I offer you this Cat Scan...

I hear the hisses already...

15 March 2006

Another reason not to vote for Hillary

I read David Brooks' column, which elicited this commentary from Ann Althouse, in the News-Miner today (whose own attempts at editorials are usually sophomoric, so they fill in with NYT columnists in an attempt legitimize themselves as something more than an alternative to Cottonelle).

Now, I don't know David Brooks to be a conservative columnist--I've seen him rip into Bush & Company on more than a few occasions. So, to have someone like him write a column like this about the Demorrhoids' next great white hope makes me stand up and take notice.

Ann Althouse gives the meatier parts of the column, but I have distilled it further into these two paragraphs:

This episode — which combines buckraking with pandering — brings back the Clinton years at their worst: the me-me-me selfishness, the occasional presumption that humanity exists to serve Team Clinton.

It also shows Clinton doesn't understand her political weaknesses. First, nobody, not even among her friends, is totally sure she actually believes in anything, or whether she just coldly calculates political advantage. This episode reinforces that sense.

The highlighted portion is the most disconcerting thing about Hillary. She doesn't stand for anything except her own pursuit of power. Such a one is not really deserving of the highest office in the land.

Why is it that the Dems are so rife with these types?

14 March 2006

Rejected Democrat Mottos

My contributions:

"The only barreled thing we're not afraid of: The Pork Kind"

"More Waffles than Belgium!"

"The Clinton years: Weapons of Mass Obstruction"

"We may not argue well, but man, can we cry!"

"Such a pain in the *ahem,* we should be called 'demorrhoids'!"

More Brady BS: Guns in the Workplace

At the time of this writing, the latest bit of Brady nail-biting is over Guns in the Workplace in Florida.

I was licensed to carry concealed in the State of Florida, and I know for a fact that you are already legally entitled to carry concealed in your place of business. As best as I can tell, Florida HB 129 was introduced to keep shop owners from discriminating against those who choose to exercise their 2A rights.

If these "non-partisan" (yeah, right. Everything about the Bradys reeks of Demorrhoids) people -CONTROL freaks actually READ the wording of the Bill, they would see that it has nothing to do with allowing guns inside the facilities. Shop owners retain that lawful right if they are so inclined (of course, establishments that prohibit concealed weapons must be clearly marked by the appropriate signage).

No, the bill only covers prohibition regarding the secure storage of a gun in one's own car in the parking lot!

But the Bradys prefer to get all hyperbolic. Almost to the point of misrepresenting the issue. Fighting the good fight? Hardly. Semantic sleight-of-hand and Rhetorical smoke and mirrors are the instruments found in the Propaganda Toolbox of every Demorrhoid.

Brady's Grade for Alaska

Now, I generally got very good grades in school throughout my academic career (3.2 in High School, 3.5 overall in undergrad, 3.6 in Grad School). But this is one flag I am quite proud of:

An enviable F+

It shows that my state does not conform to the political paranoia of the constitution-fearing Left nor its pull-toy "prophet."

I think I ought to make a T-shirt commemorating the occasion. This really made my day.

13 March 2006

Hunters, Trappers, and Higher Education

H/T: KeepandBearArms.com

All I have to say: Amen. I'm a firearms owner, done a tiny bit of hunting, enjoy the benefits of hunting, have several friends who trap and as an Alaskan personally understand the benefits of it.

And I hold two degrees myself: A B.A. in German, and a M.A. in German Literature.

Don't call me a "knuckle dragger."

12 March 2006

Fun Facts About the Canadian Military

H/T the discussion boards over at Brain Terminal.

Canada spends less than $265 per capita in military spending (the worst among major NATO members, with the average being $600 and the US spending over $1000). They make up for it in health care, which they will need when their heinies get shot up.

Today, the Canadian Navy has only 34 ships (compared to the 300 they had at the end of WWII), 22 of which still need a good breeze to move them.

Further Canadian Military ASSets consist of 140 aircraft (rubber-band powered), and 59,000 personnel (mostly armed with shovels and Range-Rider BB Guns).

Canada has no strategic airlift capacity (tanks and vehicles must be disassembled to be transported overseas!) Canada relies on American troops to move theirs around during domestic emergencies.

Of the top 25 countries that have active military forces, Canada does not even rank. This puts them behind such powerhouses like Eritrea, Morocco, and Myanmar. This is to be attributed to Canada's French heritage.

As a related sidenote, an animal closely tied with France is the Rossignol, or rooster, which, as you know, is a male chicken.

They are, however, responsible for the development of our new camouflage schemes. That means they'll be really good at hiding when the balloon goes up.

The only nation with more surface area than Canada is Russia. So you have this huge land mass with a military 27 times smaller than ours.

Oh Canada! We stand on guard for thee!

That's the U.S. singing, btw, not the Canadian Armed Forces.

Chavez raises a new flag...hurrah.

He says it's to honor much of the revolutionary spirit of Simon Bolivar. Chavez is no Bolivar, and in fact, embodies much that Bolivar fought against. Many consider this to be just another political stunt.

Features of the flag:

The horse that had been galloping right now gallops left. I don't think that's coincidental.

A machete symbolizing labor. Yeah, I know how well Chavez and his brand of socialism (actually a dictatorship, with much of the laborer's wages going into the pockets of the governing elite) honors the fruit of his workers. The Bolivar now stands at 2144 per U.S. Dollar. It was 506 when I visited in 1998. It passed the 1000 mark in 2002, and the 2000 mark in 2003 (source: X-rates.com). It seems to have "stabilized," but that also seemed to be the case every few months since 2001, with the Bolivar jumping sharply between plateaus.

Methinks the money spent on this little political boondoggle would have been better spent on economic development. What is it about oil-rich dictatorships that causes them to piss away their resources?

MSM says, "Don't blame the MSM"

...about the poor opinion being circulated over Iraq.

Who to blame then? The ankle-biters?

11 March 2006

Shooters...straight from the horse's *ahem*

The first (but certainly not the last) site to make it to my "Birdcage" list (see the sidebar) are a couple of antigunbloggers.

Their motto: "Where everyone's a straight shooter." Sure. More like left and down.

Exempli Gratia--they attempt to slam two Constitutional rights in the same post: 1A (not the freedom of speech part, natürlich, nor the freedom of assembly part) and 2A.

Their gripe--paraphrased--"gunloversarealsogodloverssowhydonttheywantto carrygunsinachurchhuhhahahahaiguesstheydon't reallybelieveinthatrighthoohoohoo weresoclever"

The way they portray gun owners' attitudes about 2A, it makes me wonder if they consider hate speech and libel a legitimate 1A right (whoops, they already proved the latter).

I mean, after all, if we're going to support citizens' rights (I forget, the whole concept of citizenship is foreign to the Politburo mentality), shouldn't we support the whole right, not just a half or a quarter of it?

Happily, most gun owners are a lot more balanced than these moonbats.

Should I tremble, or laugh?

Hat tip: Evan Coyne Maloney of Brain Terminal:
(Gratuitous BT pimping: Check out the status of his latest film about academic bias in American colleges, Indoctrinate U., over at On the Fence Films)

Islam will soon be the domineering force in the world, placing first in the number of its followers among all other religions. Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad expressed this confidence here at the end of his state visit to Malaysia.

Following a meeting with Sultan Jamalullail I, the supreme head of the federation of nine states where Islam was proclaimed the state religion, he pontificated: “The world will be in the hands of Islam over the next few years.”

According to the president, history “convincingly shows the force of the Islamic religion, aimed not at quashing other peoples, but at serving peace and quietude”.

OK, let's wind the tape back a little...

[Ahmadinej{ih}ad] pontificated: "The world will be in the hands of Islam over the next few years."

Aiming for a thousand year Reich, er, Caliphate, Mahmoud?

According to the president, history, "convincingly shows the force of the Islamic religion..."

This from the same flunkie who says the Holocaust never happened? I'd be better off with Maureen Dowd for a history lesson.

Let us continue with what he meant by "force:" ...aimed not at quashing other peoples...

HA! Don't think we haven't forgotten that little bit about "wiping Israel off the map."

...but at serving peace and quietude.

Yeah, we all know about Islam's approach to "peace":

Cox & Forkum does it again!

It seems that my generation enjoyed the last vestiges of "quality" public education. At all levels, most of what I hear about is sheer madness.

10 March 2006

Marpats came in!

And here is a brief overview of my impressions regarding the Marines' latest incarnation of battlefield apparel.

In short, me likey!

I bought a pair of desert MARPAT BDU pants from eBay last week. There's a little more to them than just a neat0 camouflage pattern (which I have already discussed elsewhere. There have been some minor changes to the design of the pants themselves, which I had read about in the Fairbanks Daily News-Miner a few months ago.

The waistband:
Past pairs of BDUs I've bought have always had those adjustable tabs on both sides. This pair (and they were manufactured by a contractor for the USMC, but rejected for minor defects) takes the old man's dress-pants approach by using elastic where the tabs used to be.

Don't know what the advantage of that is...maybe Uncle Sam was trying to save a few bucks off the metal that went into those tabs.

Next, the Cargo Pockets:
Functionally, they're the same as the old pants, however, these have four bellows-type flaps instead of three, are closed by one button (the back one--that makes sense; I rarely closed my pockets with both buttons), and also feature some elastic around the top. That is a nice feature.

I don't know if it's because the pants are new, but the pockets felt a little sturdier than those of BDUs past.

Next, the reinforced knees:

The old versions had the reinforced area run straight across the leg. These have their top edges run up the leg at an angle, as you can tell in the photo here.

Additionally, there's a pocket inside legs for inserting knee pads. That's a definite plus.

Finally, and I don't know if this is just because these pants were rejects, but there weren't any drawstrings at the leg bottoms. No matter; I'm having them put into my pair by a friend who is also a seamstress. She is also taking the pants up a bit, because I got size "Medium-Long", which fit me fine at the waist, but around the feet, it's like wearing those pajamas with footies I had when I was about six years old.

Fun with Nigerians!

I'm going to take a momentary break from my usual bout of adoration of large-caliber firepower to address an annoyance that anyone with an internet connection has encountered at least once.

No, I'm not talking about eBay addiction, nor add$ for v1@gr@, c1ali$, or herbal supplements guaranteed to give you a ten-inch wang--though those rate fairly high on my list of cyberscum.

No, I am talking about 419 scammers.

They piss me off, if only because they are too lazy to go out and make money the old-fashioned way. If I were black, I'd be doubly pissed at them for giving my race a bad name (as if lazy negro jokes didn't abound already; and the cycle of indentured servitude called "welfare" isn't helping that image at all).

And I would directly tell them so--simply say "Piss off and go get a real job," alert Yahoo about spam from that address, and go on my way.

But then, I read about a couple of guys having fun with 419 Nigerians. I personally wouldn't go so far as to enter into phone conversations with them, but I figured that I could at least get a little more creative in my responses.

Michael Ockisard...heh.

Here's the latest that came in the inbox of one of my email accounts:

Dear Hatfield,

I am Barrister Jude Sekaso, a legal practitioner, I am the personal attorney
to Mr. Eric C. Hatfield, a national Of your country, who used to work with Shell Development Company in Lome, Togo. He used to be my client.

On the 7th June, 2003, my client, his wife and their only daughter were involved in a car accident along Nouvissi express Road. All occupants
of the vehicle unfortunately lost their lives. Since then I have made several enquiries to your embassy here to locate any of my clients extended
relatives, this has also proved unsuccessful.

After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to track his last
name over the Internet, to locate any member of his family hence I contacted
you.I have contacted you to assist in repartrating the fund valued at US$12.5 million left behind by my client before it gets confisicated or
declared unserviceable by the Security Finance Firm where this huge amount
were deposited.

The said Security Finance Company has issued me a notice to provide the next
of kin or have his account confisicated within the next twenty one official
working days.

Since I have been unsuccesfull in locating the relatives for over 2 years
now, I seek the consent to present you as the next of kin to the deceased
since you have the same last names, so that the proceeds of this account can
be paid to you.

Therefore, on receipt of your positive response, we shall then discuss
the sharing ratio and modalities for transfer.I have all necessary
information and legal documents needed to back you up for claim.

All I require from you is your honest cooperation to enable us see this
transaction through. I guarantee that this will be executed under
legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law.

Best Regards,
Jude Sekaso Esq

This seems to be the tack they're taking with Yahoo members nowadays...before, it was just the usual "Hey, I don't know you, but I have all this money and I'd like to give you some of it," then they added slight twists. One wrote to my German account that he was an American soldier who got a hold of some of Saddam's money and was trying to get it over to the States (that pissed me off). Still another claimed to be a faithful brother in the Lord who wanted to share with me God's blessings--but only if he can deposit some of it in my account (which I found extremely distasteful).

Now they want to bless lil' ol' me with some money from a long-distant relative. As if I didn't know my family. As if there weren't other Hatfields that would be entitled to this money before me (my father is still very much alive).

So, I decided to play back the "Family" card on him:

Honorable Mr. Sesasko,

I am well aware of the situation with my distant cousin Eric. Unfortunately, your information is at best sketchy. Allow me to explain.

While, on the surface, it seems that Eric was an employee for Shell Oil, we who are his family knew better. He was promised a share in our South African Diamond Mine operations (it is a little-known fact that we Hatfields are the de Beers' most aggressive competitor), but given his own penchant for power and self-determinism, he decided to pursue wealth among other venues.

Most of these venues involved, how shall I say, less-than-legal enterprises, while the legal ones served as money-laundering operations for his black market activities.

We did hear about the "accident" a few hours after it had happened. The notice came in the form of an anonymous threat saying that anyone who crossed "The Family" would meet the same fate. Police examination of the crime scene yielded obvious evidence of foul play, the most prominent of which being a large-caliber gunshot wound to the back of Eric's head.

We were also notified by the American Embassy in Togo of his fate, and were investigated ourselves regarding further family contact with "The Family." It was a fairly nasty affair that sullied my family's reputation somewhat. Still, in the end, our names were cleared in June of 2005.

It was then that we were asked questions regarding his bank account and what to do with it.
We gave specific instructions that we wanted no part of his money. If you contacted a legitimate and upstanding staff member of our embassy in Togo, he would have told you that. But, it seems that greed is very much alive among the citizens of that island, and if you are not an active participant in it yourself, you have been duped into getting involved by someone who is.

You have my sympathies for the legal and possibly life-threatening consequences of your endeavor. The meager $12.5 million belongs to several government agencies, rightfully seized from a known criminal. Furthermore, "The Family" also lays claim to much of that money, and will no doubt take their nefarious measures to reclaim what they feel is theirs.

Regretfully yours,
Hr. Mg. J.T. Hatfield

No response as of yet, neither do I believe there will be.

This fish bites back.

Friday Catblogging!

Hey, do I look like Laurence Simon?

09 March 2006

007: What a wuss!

Now, I knew that the latest Bond, Daniel Craig, was an anti. I read about his stance on guns in Time or Newsweak (that is not a typo, btw) a couple of months ago.

I didn't know about Connery. I didn't know about Moore. Nor Brosnan. But you know, stepping back and looking at the whole picture, it doesn't surprise me. Like education, you only get your foot in the door if you can parrot the party line.

But what bothers me is this line from Moore:

“Today,” Moore declared, “I am completely opposed to small arms and what they can do to children. I played every role tongue-in-cheek because I don’t really believe in that sort of hero. I don’t like guns.”

Didn't keep him from making a few movies in the 80s, did it? Yeah, Rodge, your conscience must have grown heavier with your bank account.

Thursday's Gun Showcase: The H&K USP

Now, the Desert Eagle is the first handgun I slobbered over. I thought, if ever I was going to get one, that would be it. I'm happy to have wound up with one ten years later.

And, when I was first seriously considering buying one, the Desert Eagle was one I asked about. The Police Supply shop I went to in Miami said that most customers liked to hold one, but not seriously buy one, and they really didn't want to hold onto what amounted to a $1200 piece of furniture.

$1200 was rather steep for me at the time, so I looked at Glocks, Tauruses, and H&Ks.

I was very impressed with the H&K.

So, I bought one in 9mm, with a stainless slide.

Yes, I hear you guffawing, and understandably so. What on earth was I doing with a 9mm in Alaska?

I wasn't in Alaska at the time. I was in South Florida. And I chose the 9mm for economic reasons. Later, I would desire a more serious caliber and get one in .45.

But at any rate, allow me to give you my rundown on the first pistol I ever owned, and by far the finest I have every shot in a non-magnum caliber: the H&K USP.

It was first introduced around 1994, as H&K's entry into the .40 S&W market. It had the misfortune of appearing right around when Klinton's farcical Assault Weapons Ban went into effect. Therefore, it was extremely hard to find pre-ban hi-cap mags.

Forget it if you were looking for something in .45. The model in that caliber was introduced in 1995.

It was designed around the same time SOCOM was looking for a new pistol (in .45, you wonderneeners). H&K took up the bid, and developed the handgun (known as the Mk. 23). Alongside this development, they designed the USP for the civilian & law-enforcement markets. Therefore, much of the engineering that went into the Mk.23 is also found in the USP.

It utilizes a modified Browing-type recoil action (which just about every semiauto uses nowadays). What sets it apart is the modular approach to its construction. You can have an armorer switch out a few parts, and voila, a pistol with or without a safety, with or without a decocker, SA/DA, or DAO, or mix and match.

Fullsize versions feature a patented recoil buffering system. I don't know the ins and outs of the engineering involved, but H&K boasts that it reduces felt recoil to 600 newtons, while comparable .45s suffer nearly twice that much of a pounding each time the trigger is pulled.

It has the double advantage of reducing wear & tear, and better controllability for the shooter. I can personally attest to the latter. My USP is the most comfortable .45 I have ever shot.

Like most semiautos coming out on the market, the frame is polymer. I've had a few people call my USP a Glock at first glance (which I personally find rather insulting. It's like calling a BMW a Volkswagen). But while Glock may have popularized plastic, it was H&K who first made a polymer frame a reality, with the VP70.

Accuracy, of course, depends upon the shooter. I can personally attest to having shot a moving grouse through a very narrow open lane of fire at 40 feet, and have shot another bird out of the air at 15 yards on the draw.

And, it will pretty much eat anything you feed it. I fed my 9 Winchester SXT, Cor-Bon, Georgia Arms, and even that crappy Wolf ammunition. It likes them all. The .45 has eaten Cor-Bon and American Eagle, without so much as a hiccup--even at 30 below (which my Deagle does not like).

The only real drawback to the gun are the accessory rails. They're pretty much proprietary, as opposed to something compatible with Weaver- or Picatinny-style rail systems. This means that you usually have to buy an adapter for a tactical light and/or laser sight system.

However, the pistol that is supposed to come out of the HK45 project (which the featured clipping out of a German magazine is the only real hard evidence we have of it just now is supposed to feature a more compatible rail system (along with some ergonomical improvements made with the P2000).

Some would consider the price tag a drawback as well. This gun can run about $200 more for a comparable Glock, but I consider the quality worked into it to be well worth it, as well as the safety features of the USP not found in the Glock (manual safety, decocker, and that you don't need to pull the trigger to disassemble it).

All in all, a very fine piece of German craftsmanship.

Attention Pornspammers

I am not interested in your sites. Don't bother.

That's your first warning.

Here's your second, for the benefit of those who can't read:

Get the picture? Take it as a kindly invitation to go piss off.

Thank you,
Jeremy H.

08 March 2006

Ann Rips into Hollywood

Brainy, beautiful, outspoken...ahhh, every single Red-blooded Red-Stater's dream...

...too bad she's such a heavy smoker.

A Very Good Commentary on Carrying...

Hat tip to its author, AnarchAngel:

My favorite anecdote about Bill Jordan goes something like this:

Now Ol' Bill, he was a direct man, and a big one at that, so most of the folks he put away were willing to chalk it up to "just business", and leave it at that.

Well Bill heard this feller was raisin' a stink about comin' round to get some back at him for, but he didn't think too much of it.

A few days later, Bills sittin' out there on his porch, and he's got his trademark combat magnum in his lap. His neighbor walks by and says to bill "See ya got yer pistol there Bill, you 'spectin trouble?", So says Bill "Nope, if I was expeting trouble, I'd have my rifle"

I carry a gun whenever it is legal, and not impolite for me to do so. When I am entering the home or place of business of someone I don't know, I will inform them I am armed, and ask them if they would prefer I not carry a gun while there.

It's just polite.

A lot of people ask me "Why do you carry a gun, do you expect trouble?"

No, I carry a gun not because I expect trouble, but because I can. If I was expecting trouble I'd carry a 12ga.

More in the extended entry...

The practice of carrying a weapon is a clear assertion that I am a man. By that I'm not talking about macho bullshit; By saying I am a man, I mean that I am an adult, responsible for my actions, and willing to accept the consequences of them.

When you carry a gun you have in your hands (or on your hip), the ability to end any mans life. This is a massive responsibility, second only to that of raising children.

Many people are uncomfortable with that responsiblity. They believe that they can't be trusted with it, and by extension, neither can anyone else. They fall back on saying "the police" or "the government" should take care of that. Someone with special training, and the blessings of the state should be responsible, but not me, or you, or anyone else.

I can think of no clearer way of saying "I am immature, and not to be trusted".

When I carry a gun, I accept the fact that I may kill someone. I don't ever plan on doing it, I hope it doesn't happen, but it may. I am prepared for this possiblity, and I accept the consequences should it happen.

A few months ago, I broke up with a girlfriend over this. She asked me what I would do to someone if they tried to rape her. I told her flat out that I would kill him. No hesitation there at all. She told me later that from that moment, she was afraid of me.

I asked her what she would do if someone tried to rape her. She said she wouldnt fight. "What if you had a gun, would you shoot the guy to stop it", no she wouldnt do that. "ok what if I was there and I shot him, would that be OK", no of course not. Finally I asked "What if a cop came along, and he shot the guy would that be ok" well of course, he's a cop.

That attitude frankly baffles, and disgusts me, yet there are so many people who hold it. They feel morally superior because they would never "sink to that level".

Personally I would consider that pretty clear evidence of moral bankruptcy.

The same applies to people who would never fight in a war, but are OK with soldiers and cops defending their rights. Oh, they'll protest, and march in the streets, but actually doing anything? No they're all above that and have disdain for everyone else who isn't, calling us savages, and rednecks, and barbarians etc...

I carry a gun because it is my right, and because I am responsible enough to excercise it. I feel nothing but pity or contempt for those who are not.

How Apropos...

Results of one of those quizilla quizzes--what kind of gun-toting Anime character are you?

You are WOLFWOOD - You're a priest that kills people.

You don't necessarily like it, but you do it when you think it's a valid option. Your manner is easygoing, your shades are cool, and your cross is actually a big-ass gun. It's guys like you that give me a little bit of faith in religion.

What anime gun-toting hooligan are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Heh. Can I get an "Amen"

Italian Infiltration...Successful

They bought it. Benito is now online with his message of how armed folk "Concern" him.

You've gotta love historically-ignorant Moonbats. THC tends to do that to you.

06 March 2006

Sword, Pen, Tantrum!

That's the new game inspired by our Stockholm-Syndrome-prone Main Stream Media. It's kind of like Rock, Paper, Scissors, or Elves, Giants, Wizards, but whereas the Pen is mightier than the Sword, the peace-loving Wahhabis out in Oilswampistan have shown that the Tantrum is mightier than the Pen.

And that is the focus of this precision-guided humor assignment. My debut as a new member of the Alliance.

Sorry, Glenno. Hate to do this to a fellow Vol, but INSTAPUNDO DELENDA EST!


As you may or may not know, I am a master of many languages--a necessary skill in the Intelligence trade. It helps me to blend in, fade out, get lost in the crowd. Infiltration is my specialty. Slip in, slip out, faster than your sneaky neighbor's dog when Fifi is in heat. And in my time, I have left many a puppy for the enemy to clean up after.

That is, until someone discovered how well they fit in a blender. Bastard. That's why I joined the Alliance.

But enough about me. If I reveal too much, I'll have to trace down your IP addresses, and give you all the Cabbage treatment. I can hit an Alaskan Gecko in the eye at 100 yards. And if there were any around, I'd prove it to you.

Now you're wondering, what the hell does this have to do with languages? Or this precision-guided HUMOR assignment?

I'm getting there. Don't get your puppy pooper scoopers in an uproar. One of my contacts from Languedoc-Rousillon, an old friend from the days we were silently putting down Communist insurgencies in the Mediterranean shrimping industry, informed me that the assistant janitor of a certain French tabloid discovered evidence of secret collaboration between their editorial staff and that of the Daily News-Miner in Fairbanks (also a tabloid).

He found it in a message steganographized in a picture encouraging the French to eat more chicken (thereby proving that you are what you eat). Don't bother deciphering it. Even if you had the software, it's written in medieval Bavarian.

A janitor in France. Coded chicken messages in Bavarian. Fairbanks. The connection was becoming clear even before I read the content.

It was a response to a cry for help: How to avoid pissing off the burgeoning militant Muslim population in Fairbanks in light of the cartoon crisis.

Cartoon crisis. That puzzled me. What did the discontinuation of Calvin & Hobbes and Bloom County have anything to do with this? I read on.

Their proposals: Don't publish the Danish cartoons. Do publish articles that call Bush a terrorist. Emphasize Islam as a "religion of peace" and refer to the jihadists as "freedom fighters." Label the war in Iraq "illegal." Use "Quagmire" a lot and keep counting the U.S. death toll.

My contact suggested a little "intrusive investigation," but I was already on the way. I threw my leather jacket on, strapped my holster on my leg, and locked and loaded the Deagle.

Because, you never know when you are going to encounter a cabbage. Or an Alaskan Gecko. Especially in a rough and tumble former Pipeline Boom town.

1.35 a.m. found me outside the Big I Bar, keeping an eye on the News-Miner building, waiting for an opportunity. A few patrons leaving gave my leg-iron a glance. A few asked me how many cabbages I had demolished with that thing.

One walked out with the unmistakeable odor of Osterized canine on his breath, mixed with Everclear 151. I stopped him, and asked him what he'd been drinking.

A Pinscher Colada, he said. Bastard.

Just then, I noticed several vehicles leaving the News-Miner. I checked my watch: the print boys are leaving for the Mecca Bar (yes, true believers, evidence of collaboration can be found everywhere) early tonight. I estimated the disruption would give me 15 minutes to sneak in, download a few pictures, and sneak out.

Of course, I could just log on to the News-Miner's website, but I never believed in doing things the easy way. Besides, it's better to get poop straight from the puppy.

Before someone sticks it in the Hamilton-Beach. Bastard.

It was tense, but I've been in worse situations before--like the time I sabotaged the Iraqi nuclear plant at H3 with help from the Mossad. An early effort to keep nukes out of the hands of Saddam and prevent his erstwhile bed-buddies, the Russkies (yeah, Saddam liked 'em big, stupid, and slavic) from nurturing a homegrown nuke factory in Oilswampistan.

Another story, for another time. But it's interesting how history repeats itself, no?

Going computer by computer, office by office would take too long, so I hooked up my proprietary PDA into the network while lying low in the wiring cabinet. It didn't take long to hit paydirt.

The 80x29 image looked innocuous enough--the smiling face of Fairbanks' friendliest columnist, Dermot Cole. But it had one too many kilobytes, the sure footprint of an embedded message to the French Blunderground.

Bastards. They made Dermot an unwilling player in their sick scheme. I like his column. It's the one bright light in an otherwise lackluster rag (other than the Mallard Fillmore strip they run in the Classified section, usually on the same page as the "129" heading--Guns! Oh, and there's Dilbert, too).

For that, someone would pay...soon. But for now, I had an exfiltration to perform. Happily, there was a vent nearby, and using the HVAC highway, I made my way outside.

The direct way would have been quicker...2 hours quicker, not as dusty, and the way certainly not as laden with the dessicated corpses of the bugs of summers past.

But it would have been messy. Cabbage messy. No way to run a covert op, you know.

Once outside, I blended in, and faded out, like my footprints by the heavily falling snow.

At my forward base of operations, I spent the better part of the morning decrypting and translating the response (how did a newspaper staff learn Medieval Bavarian? I am most certainly not dealing with a hick operation here).

What I learned was bigger than I had expected. Not surprising, but big. It seems that much on Frenchie's to-do list was already in execution, and had been for some time--like, since taking on the Taliban in Afghanistan in 2002.

But there was more. The News-Miner was not acting alone. It wasn't even the main instigator, but a cog in subtle, conspiratorial ululating machine.

Other measures were on standby:

- Include half-page caricatures of George Bush and/or the American Flag, with a complementary book of matches. That way, they can freely burn both in effigy, at subscriber expense.

- Fire up the word processor (a Microsoft product, no less) to replace every mention of Christian with "Crusader," every Jooooo with "Zionist," and add "PBUH" to each of OBL and Al-Zawahri.

- Require embedded female journalists be furnished with new outfits. Assure them that they're not burquas, they're "uniforms."

And that, fellow members, is all I have the stomach to report. It's a sick, sick world.


Disclaimer: This is a lame attempt at dramatic satire. No cabbages were demolished in the creating of this story. And FWIW, The News-Miner, for all its shortcomings, is really a mediocre newspaper.

Giving the Resistance a little Italian Flavor

Continuing my efforts to make a mockery of the Million Moonbat March, I added the face of a famous Italian dictator:

Yep, no collection of gun-hating (when keeping the peasantry inline) despots would be complete without "Benni"!

05 March 2006

Gun Crusher Destroys County Economy

Hat Tip: David Codrea

I wonder how much it cost to implement that. I mean, putting the proceeds from scrap back into the state economy sounds like a good idea, but what are the potential returns?

Now, I am by no stretch of the imagination an expert, but doing a very cursory look over current scrap steel prices lists an average of $97.50 per ton of scrap steel.

That amounts to five cents a pound. My Desert Eagle, a four-pound gun, would probably yield the State of New York 20 cents. And I would consider it to be on the heavier end of the handgun scale. Average handgun probably weighs more on the order of 2 to 3 pounds unloaded--and doesn't take into account polymer frames which are becoming more popular in the semi-auto market.

It would take 500 DEs to make a ton. Does Suffolk County have that big of a gun problem? A related article here gives some more information on the matter. Its first mission destroyed 364 seized guns. Now, averaging 2.5 pounds per gun, and valued at $97.50 per ton, the county chest got back a whopping forty-four dollars and thirty-six cents.

The machine cost the county $18,000. That doesn't include operating costs: power, maintenance, etc., which the article lists as $8,000 per year. That means, in order for the system to be cost-effective, they would have to destroy more than the number of weapons New York City seized in the years 1994 to 1997: 56,081--and even this number would only yield them barely $7,000. We won't even talk about recovering the cost of the machine.

They could come closer to breaking even by selling the guns they seized, but in a fit of noblesse oblige, the property section commander said, "We don't want them back on the streets even if it will make us money."

Huh. Good thing he isn't responsible for balancing the county budget. Getting a few hundred dollars for property the county didn't have to pay for makes a lot more sense than getting less than a half-dollar for it.

But what the hell--since when did the powers that be really care for economic sense anyway? If you have a cashflow problem, simply bleed the peasantry some more.

That's right, Suffolk County...you're getting stiffed at the tune of thousands a year for a publicity stunt with anti-gun overtones. Hope you like what you're paying for.