04 October 2006

One Reason Why Libs Should Not Vote

Rosie O' Donnell: The Second Amendment..."It's Not Really a Right."
(h/t: Keepandbeararms.org)

Time to try my hand at fisking. Sit me next to the conservative babe. Hi, Elizabeth, my name is Jeremy, and I am everything you're looking for in a man. I'm an Alaskan, I'm highly educated, and I'm a co-owner of a business that sells luxurious furs.

What, you're married? Figures. All of the good ones are taken...but if something should go south...let me give you my business card. Hope you like snuggling in cold weather and long nights...

OK, OK, I'll get on topic. Hi, Blarb...hi, Joy...Hi, er, Petunia. No, that's not fair. Petunia Pig was heterosexual.

O’Donnell: "I think the horror of imagining six to thirteen-year-old girls handcuffed together and shot execution style, one by one, is perhaps enough to awaken the nation that maybe we need some stricter gun control laws."

What really bothers you most about the above, Your Porkiness, the deaths or that a gun was used? Would you have felt better if they were beheaded amid the chants of "Allahu Akhbar?"

Oh, I see, neither. The fact that a lot of girls were handcuffed and you missed out on the fun.

Are you sure that stricter gun laws will really help, Miss Piggy? Look to Canada. There was that Montreal college campus shooting, and the fact that guns are the weapon of choice in murders in that country. Their strict laws don't seem to be helping there much.

Or, look at Kalifornia. The Bradys rated it "A-" for all the hindrances they put up towards gun control. Guess what--that state alone had over twice the number of firearm-related crimes than all the "F" rated states combined.

Oh, you want a hard number? That's surprising, given your tastes. But cow-poking isn't my idea of a good time.

Silly me, you wanted the numbers of crimes! Over 44,000.

O’Donnell: "I know that the Constitution has been interpreted many, many times...

Guess who tries to come up with the most interpretations? I'll give you a hint, they don't lean right...

O' Donnell: In the United States there is debate over whether or not the right to bear arms includes the lobby organization of the NRA, allowing no rules and no registration and absolutely, sort of, carte blanche, to make guns available to Americans in a way they're not in the rest of the world.

Are you sure that's what they mean? Quote them, and stop imagining what they would say in your perfect world of squealing paranoia.

[Leans over to Elizabeth]: This is how you handle a liberal. Other methods include Thorazine and/or a good slapping. But I think our porcine friend would enjoy the latter too much.

Hasselbeck: "So you can’t- You can't take way the right to, to bear arms."

O’Donnell: "Well, it’s not really a right. There’s debate as to what that-"

[I stand up, waving my arms] Hoooooold on a minute there, Schweiney. When was the last time you really looked at the Constitution? I know you want to hold a "debate," and haggle over minutiae like "well-regulated militia" while completely ignoring the "shall not be infringed" part.

O’Donnell: "Well, what about this? The firearm death rate among children in America 0 to 14 is 12 times higher then all 25 other industrialized nation combined. Combined."

Hasselbeck: "What about the fact that firearms- Well, firearms are used 60 times more to defend people then they are to take a life in this country, too. That’s another statistic. This is why we have the debate."

[Pumping fist in victory] Go get 'em, girl! How about THIS: If the Brady's statistics are true, and there are some 192 million privately-owned guns in the U.S. of A, then the crimes-to-guns ratio in this country is very, very low. Like, less than a tenth of a percent!

O’Donnell: "I know, but maybe-"

Hasselbeck: "These things confuse us as, as Americans, but, in, in the results of children dying kind of bring it to a front, they bring it right to a boil. And that's why we have this discussion. That should not happen. But you have to remember that people protect themselves. In the times of segregation, when there were bigoted officers out there trying to just rule over and have government tyranny, people had to defend themselves somehow and they did it with guns."

YESSSSSSS! Why don't you see more women like this on TV, huh?

O’Donnell: "You can find an automobile that has a VIN number, if an automobile is stolen and you can trace it back to where the person bought the car and who bought it."

Behar: "Don’t tell them how to get it."

Hasselbeck: "You can. You can. I found out that I had a lemon that way."

O’Donnell: "You can buy a gun in America and it is not licensed. We can't trace who bought it, who owned it or who is responsible. That’s wrong."

Sounds like you have experience in these matters, razorback. Care to tell us how you know this so well? I can tell you for a fact that all of my guns are registered, through legitimate sources.

Behar: "I think people want to hunt, that's a right as you’re describing with their rifles. Why do they need an AK--47? Are these deer in the Israeli army?"

Whoa there a minute, "Joy." What's with the Israeli remark? You pro-Hezbollah or something? I shouldn't have to ask. You're a leftie.

What should keep a person from wanting to hunt with an AK-47? I mean, beyond your pontifications, sweet-cheeks. After all, it shoots the same kind of bullet used for medium game. You guys get your panties bunched up--sorry for the feminine allusions, Rosie--over external appearances, which is why you probably thought the AWB was such a good idea.

But then again, you elites like to sweat over the shallow issues.

Well ladies, it's been real, it's been fun...but a waste in trying to get you guys to really come to reason. Just hold onto your preconceived notions, and propagate them through the idiot box. Meanwhile, the rest of us will check out matters for ourselves. And when the SHTF, you'll be glad there were some of us with some sense not listen to your drivel.

Elizabeth, your husband is no doubt one happy man.


JR said...

That was great, a good afternoon laugh. I don't think the libs even take the porcine one seriously anymore.

The Mad Hatter said...

Gun Law News quoted this post. I appreciate what he had to say, about non-felons being given the right to vote, regardless of their political stance or cluelessness.

However, my point was not challenging Rosie's voting rights, as it was her willingness to debate away what has been long established as a right (however often the Libs want to reinterpret the Constitution over and over again and abuse the court system to bypass the legislation process).

Even Alan Dershowitz said that challenging the 2nd Amendment has dangerous ramifications for the rest of the Bill of Rights.